Memories in March

The movie 'Memories in March' tells the story of a bereaved mother Arati  She comes to Kolkata to collect her son's ashes  after his death and  meets her late son's colleagues and boyfriend. after interacting with them she learns about their perspective about her son, which is quite different and gives her an opportunity to discover a new side of her son.

Movie goes on and it took me to the state of utopia when I used to dream about my little world with my boy, my home, my bed...but alas unlike the movie destiny snatched  my boy away from me. Don’t panic he is in safe hand. But he is no more in my little world. But his memories are still there in my heart and respiratory system . I just can not cut his memories off from my daily life.  I call it Utopia as I can not reach that world without him like the movie. His boyfriend died in a car accident , sozzled . 

I pass his empty house I can relate myself with a song from the movie where the boy’s mother pays a visit to home of her dead son  " कैसी अजीब  दावत  है  यह , मैं  बिन  बुलायेई  महमान  , घरवाला कहा  लापता  , सब  छोरके  सुनसान ….कौन  करे  किसके  इंतज़ार "  It was indeed a  अजीब  दावत “(azeeb dawat ) /mystrious invitation” I was asked to leave the home. I became the stranger ,a “bin bulayei mehman  (बिन  बुलायेई  महमान)”.It is true he has left me,left the city. I dont try to find him. But I cry ,I scream in a locked room and whispers " कनाह ( the lord Krishna) संग  खेले  होरी आज ब्रजोकुल ..श्याम  संगे  खेले  होरी सरे  ब्रजोकुल ."

I pray to breeze, to the cloud “will you bring some good news of my boy?.”..the cool breeze touches my body and vanishes off but never comes back with a joyful news. oh God! it is more painful for me when I close my eyes at night and see him sleeping in some others arm. He is lucky he has got his love ,   his shelter .I am not that fortunate. I have taken this painful life .It is my decision. It is my self-flagellation.

Dark comes I can visualize that that house where we used to stay together, spent happy night. That house is a silent evidence of our love , our good times , our bad times.

Is God there who can at least help me to find my lost love . I just want to tell him "I am sorry" no ego.  Yes I love him, I love him. I wish him all the best in his married life.