Mon Amour...........

He is closed to my heart as the meadow-flower to the earth;

                                       

he is fresh to me as morning dews on the grass.

My love for him is my life flowing in its fullness, like a river in the autumn flood,

flowing with unruffled abandonment .

My songs are one with my love, like the murmur of the brook,

that sings with all its waves ,current and motion.

*****************************************************

Rain.......

The rain comes down in

Great big pails,

That’s how it looks to me;

And later on it snows and

hails,

As  wet as it can be.

I think sometimes that it won’t stop

Till we all float away-

I feel just like a big wet mop

On such a rainy day.

Memories in March

The movie 'Memories in March' tells the story of a bereaved mother Arati  She comes to Kolkata to collect her son's ashes  after his death and  meets her late son's colleagues and boyfriend. after interacting with them she learns about their perspective about her son, which is quite different and gives her an opportunity to discover a new side of her son.

Movie goes on and it took me to the state of utopia when I used to dream about my little world with my boy, my home, my bed...but alas unlike the movie destiny snatched  my boy away from me. Don’t panic he is in safe hand. But he is no more in my little world. But his memories are still there in my heart and respiratory system . I just can not cut his memories off from my daily life.  I call it Utopia as I can not reach that world without him like the movie. His boyfriend died in a car accident , sozzled . 

I pass his empty house I can relate myself with a song from the movie where the boy’s mother pays a visit to home of her dead son  " कैसी अजीब  दावत  है  यह , मैं  बिन  बुलायेई  महमान  , घरवाला कहा  लापता  , सब  छोरके  सुनसान ….कौन  करे  किसके  इंतज़ार "  It was indeed a  अजीब  दावत “(azeeb dawat ) /mystrious invitation” I was asked to leave the home. I became the stranger ,a “bin bulayei mehman  (बिन  बुलायेई  महमान)”.It is true he has left me,left the city. I dont try to find him. But I cry ,I scream in a locked room and whispers " कनाह ( the lord Krishna) संग  खेले  होरी आज ब्रजोकुल ..श्याम  संगे  खेले  होरी सरे  ब्रजोकुल ."

I pray to breeze, to the cloud “will you bring some good news of my boy?.”..the cool breeze touches my body and vanishes off but never comes back with a joyful news. oh God! it is more painful for me when I close my eyes at night and see him sleeping in some others arm. He is lucky he has got his love ,   his shelter .I am not that fortunate. I have taken this painful life .It is my decision. It is my self-flagellation.

Dark comes I can visualize that that house where we used to stay together, spent happy night. That house is a silent evidence of our love , our good times , our bad times.

Is God there who can at least help me to find my lost love . I just want to tell him "I am sorry" no ego.  Yes I love him, I love him. I wish him all the best in his married life.

REFLECTION……

REFLECTION……

I m the rebel who who wants change. The misfit who wants to fit in... The world is my mirror. I m crude, ugly and wild. I m mad at the oval of civilized spite. Try to break the looking glass ,which breaks me. Blood and the shiny shards sting. My taunting image in the broken mirror hurts me more. This cruel world succeeds. I live a life of lies... I go through life a phantom,an empty sprite. And then I cm across... The cool, black waters. Of that deep lake of myself. I bathe in it. It heals and soothes. My hurt n the battered soul. I peer into silent depths. The clamouring world is far away, I m oblivious to its demands. Clarity emerges in the moving ripples. That show a different me. I turn back n face life. The broken rebel is transformed. Into a splendid being-called ME.

Note: I had penned down this  during my courtship , modified after we parted . Though I could never got the opportunity to show him this. I am not in touch with him now , I am not sure about his current status. This write up is dedicated to my love….our love …to our golden time.

YOUR BOY YOUR LOVE

YOUR BOY  YOUR LOVE

He is a drop form the heaven.    

His smile reveals the peace on Mother Earth.

                   

The twinkle in his eyes shows the joy,    

                  

He has the eternal power in him,  

                               

That brings joy n happiness on others.  

                                        

His speech gushes out like the waterfalls,  

             

His pace turns timid around the queer folk,    

              

His presence is admired by all.      

                                

He is none other than your boy who is adored by all.

                                 

He smiles but never scowls,      

  

He laughs but never cries.      

 

He bears the pain of sorrow but never complains.  

He is none other than your boy who is adored by all.

A LIFE UNDEFINED…………

No space can confine him,

No reason ever define him

He broke no promises

Knows no shame

Warmed as if by an INNER FIRE,

The picture of serenity

Virgin to desire.

His past has no colour

Though cupid had struck but once

As on the balcony he sat one dusk

A halo that eclipsed the GOLDEN ONE

And looked out n saw n knew

LOVE MEANT HIM…..and then thre was none.

Was it destiny that brought together thus,

The prince of dreams n the pilgrim of mistrust

Innocence beheld with fearsome are

Tall n proud,a sullen willowy grace

A TRAMP,punished forever by fate

Aman.A gambler.A rock chiselled face.

Time stood still

Hardly daring to slip past

Without murmur or protest.

The die had been cast.

They spoke for long

Though not a word was said,

Gondolas of VENICE cobbled streets of Rome

They roamed ,twin souls.Birds of faith.

At dawn he walked away,rucksack in place,

Without ceremony or farewell

He arrived to leave bt nvr left to arrive

   So the curtain fell silent………

No space can confine him

Nor reason define him

No suitor left unscorned.

His eyes unadorned.

Every twilight he still creeps quietly,

TO the balcony

And looks out ,n sees ,n knows

His long wait shall last an eternity…..